Doubt and Faith

Sad to say that this will be my last blog. Unless I come up with some pounding idea in my head that will some how work its way out, and end up in a blog. But I’m pretty sure this will be my last one. and how sad. I mean I wasn’t down for this whole blogging thing at the beginning. But now I can’t get enough of it. I love it. I love writing them, and reading them. And I am very emotional to say the least about this class being over.

We have had so many fantastic times, and conversations. But there is the shit saying “Every good thing must come to an end.” O yea? Well who invented that. I’m going to hunt down who said that. But now to get to the more serious news.
Doubts. Faith. This for me defiantly goes hand in hand. Not one have I questioned my faith with God. But I know that I have been tested in my faith. At camp this summer I had a small camper ask me how I knew God was real. Well this question took me by surprise. And I rambled off an answer off the top of my head to just get it over with. I said I just knew. Because of the cross I wear around my neck. But that isn’t a very good answer, and I knew it. the little girl seemed satisfied with the answer and she walked away happy. But I couldn’t get that question out of my head. For weeks I struggled with the answer.

Then a few weeks later I had high schoolers for the week. And during our bible study we got off on a tangent and my camper asked me, “Lisette have you ever questioned your faith?” gosh I said I don’t know. I had no idea how to answer this. So we all sat in silence for a little bit and I said I haven’t ever been questioned, but I have been tested. When my dad left for a job at the beginning of the summer that was hard on me. And I knew that it was a test to see if I could conquer it. and being a councilor to these kids has been so rewarding. But at times I would question why I had been lead down this path.

I told them the story of my first year of college. How there were so many chances, and things were so different. And the freedom. That was a test. I could go out and get my ear pierced, or get a tattoo and my parents couldn’t do anything about it. and I had to learn self discipline by studying the material that I needed to be successful. I could go out with friends and not have a curfew. I could sleep in till noon. But I knew that I needed to be the one in control of that. Not my friends.
I know that wasn’t really the answer that they wanted to hear. But I still have not been able to come up with a good question about doubting my faith. Then in class today, what a topic to talk about on the last day. Me already being emotional with the wonder presentations, and this question. Then yes, I came to the realization. That it is ok to ask questions and doubt my faith. I think doubting my faith and then finding a powerful answer makes you that much stronger with your faith. Doubt and faith are a compliment of each other. Isn’t that a part of faith is having that little bit of doubt? That’s what faith is, is just having faith, and believing in what you believe.

I was looking through my cat tracker today, planning out the next few weeks. And how odd, this bible verse is in it. “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” –Proverbs 29:18 I personally think this goes quite well with faith and doubt. We will continue to live on and have faith in God until the end of days.

This year has really been a test of my faith. With harder classes, my dad living in California, and then the death of my boyfriend Johnny, in November. But with every hardship that I encounter my momma is always the one to tell me. “Lisette have faith in yourself, and God will have faith in you.” This is very powerful to me, because it says that I have to believe in myself in order to be successful. And having Faith in myself God will also have faith in me.

I guess this is what I will leave with. What a great year in this Bible As Lit class. Wouldn’t of traded it for the world.

“May the Lord bless and keep you. May his face shine down upon you. And may he grant you Peace.”